a dream

the oceans tide swells and sways and i am waterlogged. a brightly colored floatation device is on my back but it is not enough to carry my weight and the straps pull at my shoulders. i am struggling to breath but fighting hard with a few heavy kicks to keep me afloat and to remind me that i have not drowned. not quite yet. my chest is tight and my heart heavy. i hum to keep my mind busy and distracted of the impending doom. a heavy, warm charcoal grey of a storm begins to creep over the sky. i am both terrified and a bit relieved that my journey might be coming to an end. i start to give in but out of the corner of my eye i see a shadow that appears to be a person struggling in the water. i muster up the last of my energy and swim towards him thinking that i can at least offer my floatation device because it would be a shame to have it go to waste. its too pretty and special to drown with me. i keep on swimming and then, to my dismay, find that there is no one there. then i hear someone calling my name. i start to swim towards the yelling but become too afraid to trust that there is actually someone there. i didn't want to be disappointed and exhausted again. then i would surely drown....as i debate my next move i decide that it would be best to try and keep positive, even if it is foolish. i keep on telling myself that we can surely float on okay but i am not convinced. i start to gently weep and my tears propel me towards the other struggling individual- in a tim burton kind of a way...

then i woke up to a brightly colored flotation device crying my name through the monitor.

i need to illustrate this visually i think. it was so very vivid. i also probably need massive amounts of therapy. my dreams are scary. sometimes i wish that i didn't dream at all.

i hope that i was rescued.